Hope can be one of the best and worst things for my anxiety. I used to think that clinging onto it was the only way to surmount the rising pressure of my symptoms. But over time, I started to see how detrimental it could be to always feel like I need to go to a place of optimism and high expectations. As negative as it may sound, that mentality actually sets me up for failure against the daily battle with my mental illness.
Insane. Bonkers. Stupid. Lazy. Obsessive. Paranoid. Crazy. Weird. Sad. Useless. Lonely. Burden. Dramatic. Awkward. Nervous. Antisocial. Inconvenience. Unbalanced. Needy.
All of these words describe exactly how I think people feel about me. And although everyone around me would strongly object to the fact that I am any of these things, this is ultimately a projection of how I feel about myself. We’ve all heard at least some of these words used to describe someone with a form of mental illness, at one point in our lives. But in reality, it’s just not so black and white.
Hi. My name is Catherine and I suffer from mental illness.